Adam's Fourth Birthday!

While we were on holidays, we celebrated Adam's fourth birthday. It was a very small gathering but perfect, because he can't handle a whole lot of hoopla just yet. As it was, while we sang to him he sat there in perfect silence with the most stoic face you ever saw. I kept hoping he would smile but...nope. :-) After we were done singing, he perked up because he had cake in front of him. He reaaallly enjoyed the presents and it was a nice little party.


Adam has changed a lot since he first came home. It is sort of hard to describe the changes in him, it is mostly in behaviour but there is something much more subtle about the way he has changed. In just the last couple of months, he has blossomed. He has let us love him. I know that sounds weird but he had definitely put up a wall. He would smile, laugh, etc, but he wouldn't really let us IN. There were times when you could see his eye focus "shift" and he would just....let go. It's so hard to describe. It was like he was retreating again, to his own place. A safe place. Now he has let us in to his world. And what a joy that is!

Here are a few changes that I've noticed:

** He gives us REAL hugs now, and even kisses!
** He runs to the door when Anthony gets home and screams, "DADDY!" and hugs his legs. (Anthony hates this. ;-))
** When he first came home, he refused to walk for any distance. His muscles were simply not used to anything too physical. NOW he runs everywhere and has to be ahead of everyone on our walks. (He is highly competitive. Sigh. ANOTHER one.....;-))
** He handles discipline SO much better and realizes that we still love him after he is disciplined. I love that. :-)
**He understands that people are not always going to take everything from him and will actually hold on to things he thinks are his. Sometimes this doesn't go so well, as he is learning NOT to share, but it is also a sign that his self confidence is doing well and he is not feeling like everyone can just step on him.
** His language skills have improved SO much. He understands most of what we say (he still has problems with some vocabulary) and can follow instructions. Phew. I thought that would NEVER happen....:-)
** He recognizes that when we go away, he is coming HOME. When we get close to home, he yells, "MOM! HOOOOME!" So cute.
**He is getting quite the neat sense of humour. He will actually try and trick us or play jokes on us now. Fitting right in, he is.
**He is slowly learning to be comfortable around strangers. He is still extremely shy and retreats when he meets new people, but has improved in this area.
**He is allowing himself to just be a kid and play. Oh, it warms my heart to see him sitting on the floor with the kids, playing cars or dressing up and being silly. I thought that would never happen too.

I could go on and on. Sometimes it shocks me to see the difference in this child who began his life in an orphanage and my other children. It shocks and saddens me. Let no one ever tell you that children from this kind of environment are the same and should be treated the same. In the area of love and care, of COURSE you treat them the same as your bio children. But there are so many things that he had to overcome, so many mental and physical challenges. How can ANYONE say that it is the same? Recently someone told me that you don't really have to worry so much about attachment, that it depends on personality, etc. Yes, personality has a huge part to play, but their environment MOULDED their personality. And to say that an adopted child has the same issues as a bio child is so ridiculous. It makes me angry to hear uninformed people talk about it like they KNOW. Do some research, people, then we'll talk.

Adam still has things he needs to overcome. He has dreams that would wake the dead. He screams blood curdling screams in the middle of the night that make me bolt upright and race to his room. You have never heard screaming like that. He is so much better now and the nightmares are diminishing.

He has a hard time knowing what he can and can't do. And, admittedly, I know that I falter at this too. I probably don't let him do as much as a "normal" four year old should be allowed to do. I don't feel comfortable with it and I don't feel he's ready. He's not developmentally a four year old, IMO. So...I do tend not to expect as much. It's a never ending struggle, and as I've stated before, he keeps me guessing.

I have never felt so unsure of my parenting as with Adam. He has challenged me in more ways that I can count. But I am SO SO SO happy to say that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my son. There were times I honestly could not say this. I loved him in a way that wasn't so deep. But now....now I love him.



Thank you, Lord, for giving me this precious, sweet, wounded boy. Help me to love him as You have loved us.